


I've Learned To Lose You (Can't Afford To)

by stagecrime



Series: Prompt Ficlets [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: :))), Alcohol, Angst, Ficlet, M/M, One Shot, Short, Song fic, Song: When the Party's Over (Billie Eilish), Tumblr Ask Box Fic, fucking angsty, i wish i could put all the song lyrics in the summary, it's just, wolfstar, yup just angst :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:53:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stagecrime/pseuds/stagecrime
Summary: Tore my shirt to stop you bleeding,But nothing ever stops you leaving.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Prompt Ficlets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959823
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	I've Learned To Lose You (Can't Afford To)

_Don’t you know I’m no good for you?_

_I’ve learned to lose, you can’t afford to_

“You need to leave.”

“Leave the flat, or leave you?”

“…Both.”

_Tore my shirt to stop you bleeding_

_But nothing ever stops you leaving_

Sirius sighed. “What is it this time?”

“I don’t deserve you.” Remus’ jaw was clenched.

“Not this bullshit-”

“Sirius-”

“No, stop. Not this bullshit again. You are not a monster, and I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.”

Remus sighed. “Listen. If you really want to, you can leave. I’m not stopping you.”

“But maybe you should,” Sirius whispered, barely there, before shaking his head and disappearing into their bedroom. Remus heard him, but said nothing.

_Quiet when I’m coming home, I’m on my own_

_I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that_

_I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that_

Sirius silently unlocked the door and slipped over the threshold, padding to the kitchen. Remus was nowhere to be found. Steeling himself for whatever he would find, he went into the bedroom to look for Remus.

He wasn’t there.

Sirius told himself that this was fine; that this was what he asked for. This was what he asked for when he snapped at Remus. This was what he asked for when he walked away.

He didn’t even fool himself.

_Don’t you know too much already?_

_I’ll only hurt you if you let me_

“They’re talking about the werewolves who’ve joined him. Voldemort.”

Sirius swallowed. “And?”

“They want me to be a spy.”

Sirius hesitated, then asked, “Are you going to do it?”

“Do you think I should?”

“Do I think you should? Remus, do you think you should?”

“I don’t know,” Remus sighed. “That’s why I’m asking you.”

“It’ll be dangerous.”

Remus narrowed his eyes. “I know. Obviously. We’re in the middle of a fucking war. Of course it’ll be dangerous.”

Sirius let out a breath. “Do it if you think you should. But…stay safe. That’s all I’m going to say.”

_Call me friend, but keep me closer_

_And I’ll call you when the party’s over_

It was too loud at the party. It was too risky to be partying, for god’s sake. Yet Sirius couldn’t deny that he was enjoying this. Tipsy, excited, not thinking about anything outside of the moment. Except…where was Remus?

Wandering across the room, stopping to blow a kiss to Marlene and, laughing, dodge Dorcas’ punch, Sirius pretended he wasn’t terrified. There was just so much to be scared of lately.

Remus was in a chair in the study, reading. Pausing in the doorframe, Sirius opened his mouth to speak but closed it, thinking that maybe Remus just wanted to relax. But Remus looked up and beckoned, smiling, for Sirius to come closer. Sirius did, wobbling a little on his feet.

“You’re drunk,” Remus said pointedly.

“Tipsy.”

“Same difference.” And then he was pulling Sirius in by the back of his neck and kissing him, hard, on the mouth. Sirius was shocked at first, but realized this is what I was waiting for and kissed back equally. But then Remus was pulling back, looking away, pushing Sirius back- “We’re both drunk.”

“We’re literally together, Remus.”

Remus just smiled sadly.

**Author's Note:**

> “sorry,” i say, knowing full well i’m not
> 
> Feel free to scream at me in the comments or on tumblr [@silversickles](https://silversickles.tumblr.com) :)


End file.
